Literary Corner

Trash Culture Literary Corner: Worlds of Power: Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest: Chapters 12-13

I intended to post on something else, but WordPress’ image editing function is glitching on me for a reason I cannot even guess, so here’s another image-free post on Worlds of Power:  Castlevania II.  At least this gets me one step closer to being done with the least horror-esque book based on a horror franchise ever.

So, now that Simon and Tim are on the verge of fulfilling their mission, surely they’ll face a true threat now, right?

“Hey, hold on there!”  said the thing.  “I said argh because I just stubbed my toe trying to get away from you guys.  You wanna give me a break?”

I think I’ve seen Care Bears episodes where the protagonists were routinely in greater moral danger than the protagonists of this novel.

Anyway, Tim and Simon run across a monster Tim compares to the Creature from the Black Lagoon.  I guess it’s supposed to be based on the mermen enemies from the Castlevania games, but by this point does it really matter?  Whatever it is, it’s named “Freddie.”  From the resulting conversation we learn that all monsters, including Dracula, just end up in another dimension.  ‘Cause here we can’t even refer to destroying the undead vampire that embodies the ultimate evil (okay, I know in the actual series Dracula never really dies, but still…).

Oh wait, maybe, just as they’re about to get the rib, they will actually face something other than obvious riddles:

The floor shook.  A fissure opened in the rock, and something emerged that made Tim want to just forget this whole thing, go run back to his home dimension and hide under his bed.  It was an eyeball.  A flying eyeball!

Of course, a flying eyeball boss doesn’t exist in the game, but at least it’s something!  Could F.X. Nine be attempting to capture something of the spirit of the games finally?

“I see you!”  said the eyeball.

Never mind.  As you might guess, Simon defeats the eyeball kid by throwing a cloak over it and stabbing it (eeeeww…), which, the narrative makes clear, doesn’t destroy it and only sends it back to that magical dimension of Wimpy Lazy Writing.  I know I harp on this nearly every post I write about this book, but I still can’t believe that the writer is so reluctant to even let the monsters die.  Come on, even the bad guys (and parents of protagonists) die in G-rated movies!

We do, though, get an appearance from Dracula, who does appear in a rather eerie way.

When he turned, he saw the skeletons were joining together.  And from their joined bones and skulls, a face was forming.

[…]

“Bah!”he cried in a voice that sounded like the rattle-snap of thousands of bones breaking.

Okay, I have to admit, I like that bit.

“You think you have beaten me!  But you have much further to go yet.  I have more tricks up my sleeve that will not be so easy for you to deal with.”

Oh, Dracula, honey, part of being a good villain is not sounding so desperate.

“Right!” cried Tim, feeling full of himself.  “You can go to New York City and visit the Vampire State Building!”

Oh my Alucard, I hope that Dracula is wrong about us having much further to go.

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