Adventures in Revisionism

Adventures in Revisionism: The Legend of Ganondorf

Even as a child, Ganondorf deeply despised the faith he had been born into. Called the Word of the Three Goddesses, it was the only religion ever known in the entire isolated and backward country of Hyrule. To question it was not only forbidden, it was unthinkable.

However, there was something wrong – or perhaps right – with Ganondorf. He and seemingly he alone recognized how the scriptures flagrantly justified the strong, those like Hyrule’s rapacious merchant class and the sages whose whims had more weight than even the commands of the monarch, and endlessly punished the weak, particularly his own clan of thieves and nomads, who for  reasons completely forgotten were sentenced to eke out a hellish and starving existence on the aptly named “Death Mountain.” Now Ganondorf was no atheist, because no one could deny that the Goddesses were real. The fairies who infested Hyrule’s springs and caves, maliciously passing curses down on anyone who dared to criticize the Goddesses’ will and bringing blessings to their few favored ones, were evidence enough of that. But were the Goddesses truly, fully divine and, if not, was deicide possible? He had gathered hints – in a children’s rhyme here, in a barely comprehensible prophecy there – that the Goddesses were not truly omnipotent in of themselves and that the secret behind their power was an artifact called the Triforce. With the Triforce, someone, even a despised nomad, could reshape the entire world with just some concentration and a thought and cast down divinity…

After years of self-preparation and struggle, Ganondorf and his friends and sympathizers, to their own astonishment, actually found that the Triforce was quite real. Unfortunately, he had underestimated even the Goddesses. With great power comes great boredom, and over the tedious centuries the Goddesses had decided between themselves, even if it meant jeopardizing their own existences, to set up an elaborate snare for the first worthy enemy to appear. The second he placed his hands on the Triforce, he realized that it had been boobytrapped. Simply touching it not only left Ganondorf his allies, and the entire parallel world the Goddesses had made just to house the Triforce grotesquely deformed, but it also created two new souls out of the ether: an instinctively skilled warrior named Link, who despite his power appeared in the form of an impish child because it amused the Goddesses to milk every little drop of enjoyment out of the heretic’s humiliation, and Zelda, a young woman made in the Goddesses’ own image who has the secret of how to use the Triforce to destroy them locked deep in her subconscious.  The Goddesses thrilled at the possibility of their own demise, for the first time in their ancient existences.

It was only after Link had seemingly killed him and released Zelda before Ganondorf could begin to understand the Triforce enough to use it against the Goddesses.  And it was then that Ganondorf, in the dark purgatory his spirit had been condemned to, grasped the full divine madness of the Goddesses’ plan. Every era or so, he, Link, and Zelda would be reborn. The circumstances may be different, Hyrule itself may be different, but the challenge from the Goddesses was always the same: try to learn how to use the Triforce to kill us before our champion, armed with special weapons and spells we have scattered across Hyrule even in your strongholds, kills you. The only thing that saves Ganondorf from becoming as insane as the Goddesses themselves is one little thought: this time it might be different, it just might be different.

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